I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day â¤ï¸
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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