Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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