They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
