Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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