I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize