I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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