we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
