I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize