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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
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you had me at cake vodka
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
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I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.