It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.