Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
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I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
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I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.