2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.