Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Houston, we have a squirter
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
