that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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