You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
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Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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