I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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