oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
