Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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