Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He shit in the fireplace
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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