my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
