Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
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We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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