I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
