Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
