I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
