What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
