found the other keg... it's in the tree
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
