i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
