highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i drank out of a bidet.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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