pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Randomize
