at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize