im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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