I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
