Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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