doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
