I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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