I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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