you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
