i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
