Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
