it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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