I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
