what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
