According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
