I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
