everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
