I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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