someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You were trust falling into bushes
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
