I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
