Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
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I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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