I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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