I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
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i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
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What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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