is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
