I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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