the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize