dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
