Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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