So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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