We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
