i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
