under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
