hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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