Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Boobs are out for the taking
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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